put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
wow bdsm is so cute
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
