You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
