I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
