This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
