So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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