theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
