lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
no you cant smoke seaweed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
