i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize