i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you didnt know i had herpes?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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