I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
