U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
