idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
