I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize