When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
organizing the empties. That sober.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
