I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize