I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
