drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Alive.
So much puke
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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