some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
