barbara walters just said penis...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm always down for nudity.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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