On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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