his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
