How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
