she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
