Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
