I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
