We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
