Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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