Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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