I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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