why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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