you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
