i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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