Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
