So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
