So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
