If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
