My friends, they love my intelligence
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
