just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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