Tell her she can't have a vagina
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
