so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
