It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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