OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
MIDGETS
????
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
