all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
