What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
