I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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