we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize