I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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