My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
