Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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