had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
