i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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