yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
