Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
