I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
