Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
