you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
