Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
