Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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