he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
