I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
