what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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