I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
