I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
