I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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