I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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