Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
