You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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