Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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